“It was the best thing I ever put in my mouth!”

May 24, 2010 in Funny Shit by Brian N. | 2 comments

My name is Toni. I work with Kelly at Costco. She showed me this site and I had one more Kelly moment to add. One day at work, They were sampling the fresh cinnamon rolls from our bakery. Later in the office, a couple guys and myself were there and Kelly walks in as we are talking about how good these cinnamon rolls were. She comes in with a classic Kelly line saying all excited,

“I know, it was the best thing I ever put in my mouth!”

We all look at each other and one of the guys said “Stop” before we could say anything and Kelly just looked at us and said “What?”.  She literally had NO idea how that sounded. Sooo… funny!

(Written by Toni Polito)

“…I’ve had McDonald’s in there since Friday!”

May 19, 2010 in Funny Shit by David C. | 1 comment

A few years ago, on one of our annual trips to Rocky Point, Kelly provided us with this little gem.  Thinking about it, this started the chain of events that led to the creation of ShitKellySays.com.  It’s a classic that will never die.

First, you must understand that there is no subject that is off-limits with Kelly.  She’ll talk about anything, openly and freely.  That’s just one of Kelly’s endearing qualities.  It’s also one of the reasons we end up with so many of these great stories.

So, we’ve all been in Rocky Point for a few days and Kelly’s boyfriend, Jeff, had to head back to the States early.  Jeff and Kelly spent Sunday morning getting him ready to go.  Several of us guys were hanging out on the patio enjoying the morning sun and drinking when Kelly came out to join us and have a smoke.  As we began to talk, someone asked Kelly, “…is Jeff all packed up”.  That’s not what Kelly heard, as is obvious from her response. Kelly began to rub her belly and responded with,

“Hell yeah I’m backed up, I’ve had McDonald’s in there since Friday!”

A split second of absolute silence was followed uproarious laughter.  I mean, red-faced, fall on the floor, piss yourself, crying laughter.  I’m laughing now even writing this, it was that funny.  Once we calmed down enough to explain to Kelly what the actual question was, she joined us in laughing at the mistake.  A beautiful, wonderful mistake that has provided us with YEARS of laughter and enjoyment.  So if you ever hear us ask Kelly, “So, is your JEFF all backed up?”….you now know where that came from.  We love you Kelly!

He looks like Baby Louie

May 18, 2010 in Silly Shit by Brian N. | 2 comments

I’m a smaller guy and tend to wear my clothing with a more fitted style so occasionally my t-shirts, after a bit, can naturally shrink up. Kelly and I, like brothers and sisters, have a tendency to make fun of each other at any given opportunity. During a recent spring training game I was wearing a t-shirt that Kelly thought was good ammo towards some friendly ball busting. So while I was watching the game from the balcony of where our tickets were located, Kelly decided to get others from our group to laugh at me by convincing them that I looked like “Baby Louie”. I never heard the comment but soon returned to the group which had all turned to look at me while laughing in a synchronized fashion. Suddenly feeling a bit paranoid, I asked what was up. The response was “Kelly’s said you look like Baby Louie”. I laughed and gave an immediate response of “Don’t you mean Baby Huey”?

The others in the group laughed and essentially said that they had told her this fact as well.  But just like most of the sayings that come from Kelly, in a complete confident manner, we adopted this new term to become legitimate and will be used going forward.

“…umm, do you guys have any band-aids?”

May 15, 2010 in Confusing Shit by David C. | 1 comment

Kelly with Dave's wool hat.

I know, sounds innocent enough, right?  This is a great example of Kelly’s occasional attention deficit problem.  Several of us had gone to Flagstaff (Flagstagg for those who know) for the day.  We had just relocated to a new bar and Kelly was complaining about a couple of her fingers bleeding because she’d been biting her nails.  I told her I’d ask if they had any band-aids, otherwise I had some in my car.

Kelly seems to have drifted away from us at this point.  The waitress came by and took drink orders and chatted a bit.  All the while Kelly is no more than a foot away from me and facing the right direction to “appear” to be paying attention.  I asked the waitress if they had a first aid kit of some kind because my friend (indicating at Kelly) needed a couple of band-aids.  She said yes and verified that we needed two.  She then asked if we needed anything else.  Kelly suddenly chimed in with,

“ummm, I know this is kind of a weird request but…do you guys happen to have any band-aids?”

The poor waitress just stared at Kelly and then looked at me with a confused expression on her face, slowly reconfirmed we needed two band-aids and walked away with a worried look on her face.  Kelly was oblivious of the entire conversation up to the point she began to speak.  I don’t know where she was but it wasn’t where she was sitting.

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“They’re being Geologists…”

May 14, 2010 in Silly Shit, Uncategorized by David C. | 2 comments

Sitting at JJ’s Cantina in Rocky Point, Kelly was watching some of our friends gesture at an aerial photograph on the wall.  From across the bar we could not make out what they were talking about so I asked Kelly, “What are they up to?”  Kelly, ever curious began watching them and finally concluded,

“I think they are trying to figure out where we are on the map in relationship to where the house is.  They think they’re being Geologists…”

Immediately realizing Kelly meant to say “Geographers”, I just looked at her and waited…slowly counting to 10.  Somewhere around 15 or 16 seconds she looked at me with a defeated look and said, “That’s not right is it?”  No, it’s not….but from now on it will be.

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“you can poke the flower with your tail.”

May 14, 2010 in Funny Shit by Brian N. | 2 comments

While examining the amazing woodwork of one of the many Mexican vendors that stopped by our rented beach house, the vendor pulled out a special piece that was made into 3 parts. Part 1 consisted of a piece of highly polished wood that had been carved to resemble a blooming flower. Part 2 and 3 were both hummingbirds that were carved out of the same style of wood as part 1.  At this point the vender decided to really impress us with his work by showing us that each part combines together to form 1 piece of art.  Both hummingbirds attached to the flower by using their long sharp beaks to simulate each of them drinking nectar from the flower.  At this point, as amazing as the vendors work was, none of us had much interest in buying this item. This was until Kelly brought up the selling point of “you can poke the flower with your tail”. Confused, we looked around and realized that Kelly had mistaken the beaks as tails while the vendor was putting the item together.  Simple mistake? Yes. Did we laugh? Yes.

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Don’t get me wrong.

May 14, 2010 in Silly Shit by Brian N. | 1 comment

I’ve known Kelly for about 10 years which means that I like to think that I know her very well. With that said, I know her to be a very intelligent person with tremendous drive and determination however she does have the occasional slips. Terms like “Catch 52″ (Catch 22) and “Doggy Dog World” (Dog Eat Dog World) are 2 examples of the little goofy sayings that, our friend, Kelly brings to the table without realizing they may be incorrect. We love her!

“There should be a 10 second rule…”

May 14, 2010 in Funny Shit by David C. | No comments

One of the reasons Kelly comes up with such off the wall shit is that her mouth works as fast as her mind.  There is also no filter between her thoughts and her mouth.  So, often, she says things before she realizes what she is saying…thus:

“There should be a 10 second rule.”

I doubt this is going to impact our ability to provide content for this blog.  In honor of the 10 second rule, we are only posting the stuff Kelly did not catch herself.  God bless her…